Rules of the Universe
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on
the same night.
2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
3. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)
4. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
5. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
6. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
7. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
8. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
9. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
10. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
11. Thou shalt not weigh more than the refrigerator.
12. It isn't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
13. There is a very fine line between 'hobby' and 'mental illness.'
14. You should not confuse your career with your life.
15. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
16. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
17. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
18. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
19. Your friends love you anyway.
20. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
21. How old would you be if you didn't know how old you are.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Thursday, August 27, 2009
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